I usually struggle for a few days to get my thoughts in order for a longer/long-winded post, and even then my satisfaction with a) the content and b) the writing style varies.
In days of old I would simply delete any and all work that became unbearable to reread, but I’ve been practising acceptance in the last few months: acceptance of the fact that I am not perfect, and acceptance that all my work is necessarily work in progress. After all, I myself am a work in progress–and I hope to maintain that attitude my whole life through. Complacency is a powerful kind of living death to me, particularly as a writer.
Simply put, I have high standards for myself, and I do not often meet them–with my posts here as with many other writing projects. Learning to live with such failures is important, though. For one, it keeps me honest. For another, it makes me more committed to discussion, concession, and maybe even retraction around past points I’ve raised. It does no one any good to hold any opinion so strongly that one cannot even entertain the possibility that it is wrong.
However muddled the rest of my work may be, then, I hope one thing comes through loud and clear in all my posts: the fact that I invite conversation. Indeed, I invite constructive criticism most of all. If I am partaking in the analysis of other artists on a public forum I would almost think it self-evident that I invite counter-analysis in turn–except for the fact that poor, muddied wording always runs the risk of suggesting an exclusivity of discursive practice. (Use too much jargon, that is, and I wouldn’t be surprised to find other people reading a disinterest in true discussion on my part.)
And this, to me, is the only failing I really cannot allow myself–here or in any other writing space. The moment other people no longer feel safe engaging openly and honestly with what I say here–however strongly I might say it–I have to ask myself to what end am I writing in the first place? If it isn’t to connect, to communicate, and to expand my understanding of the world, what good is all this for?
So this is just a brief note to promise you (reader) and me (writer) that I will try harder with my next post–and the next, and the next, and the next–to communicate more coherently and therefore more inclusively. I hope in time this proves to be enough, but please feel free to nudge me if it doesn’t!